Two Shifts That Helped Me Release Obligation and Never-Ending To-Do Lists

Ashley Elliott
Jan 27
4 min read

A familiar Saturday morning

Sometimes, I would notice myself waking up on a Saturday morning around 10 a.m. I would get out of bed, make a cup of coffee, and notice my mind thinking about all the chores I needed to get done as I sipped my coffee while sitting in my apartment.

Before I even knew it, my mind had already created a never-ending list of chores that I could barely keep track of and had so little interest in doing.

This list kept me in a cycle of staying busy even on the weekend, which were the only two days that I got off from work.

When energy immediately turns into output

Furthermore, I would find myself thinking first thing in the morning, when I had this burst of energy, how can I capitalize on it?

Mentally, I would create a list of:

removing difficult stains from clothes
taking out the recycling
cleaning the countertops
and so on

Before long, I was moving around the apartment, scrubbing stains, throwing clothes in the washing machine, and wiping down countertops.

That burst of energy I had in the morning was gone.

Only a few hours into my two days off during the week, I was already feeling drained. I was shocked and bewildered.

How could I feel this obligation to be doing something when I was not on the clock at my 9–5 job?

The invisible force behind the obligation

This feeling of obligation to be doing something is all too familiar in the culture we live in.

It’s a force that may seem invisible or the norm in Western culture; it’s the system of extractive capitalism.

It teaches us that the qualities of good work are:

efficiency
quantity of output
speed

Furthermore, extractive capitalism teaches us to relate to our energy, time, and attention as raw materials to be used, optimized, and spent efficiently.

This form of capitalism played out in my body by having the thought rise to the surface: “How can I capitalize on this?”

That question deeply reflects the internalized story of extractive capitalism, in which energy is only valuable when it produces something visible or generates measurable output, such as clean clothes or wiped countertops.

Today, we see:

Our bodies as a means to produce
Our energy as a force to extract from
Our time as a resource to spend

Feeling Like a Machine: When Busyness Equals Value

This is why we often feel like we’re in a machine, whether it’s in our personal lives or in the workplace.

The to‑do list was a way of avoiding feeling “unproductive.” as it would bring up old stories and internalized beliefs from extractive capitalism about what it means to be unproductive, since I myself have internalized the belief that my value is tied to my productivity.

Extractive capitalism teaches us that:

Stillness is equated with laziness
Busyness is equated with value

At its core, this experience is really pointing to a mismatch:

A system that demands constant output

and

my desire to slow down, rest, and enjoy sipping a cup of coffee without

the pressure or sense of obligation to be doing something.

Shifting Out of A Cycle of Busyness

From this experience, one of the most important things that I learned that helped me shift out of a cycle of busyness was to ask myself first thing on a Saturday morning:

How do I want to feel?

Which is an incredibly simple question, but honestly, it wasn’t one I was asking myself enough.

For so long, I had internalized the system of capitalism and was constantly extracting from my energy and time.

This created a pattern of always asking:

What do I need to do today?

which resulted in a never‑ending to‑do list.

What really disrupted that pattern was not asking myself first thing in the morning what needs to be done today, but instead asking myself how do I want to feel, which often resulted in me slowing down and enjoying small moments such as sipping coffee or lighting a candle.

Is This Truly Urgent?

Another key question that really helped me shift out of a state of keeping busy was asking myself:

Is this urgent?

Is this truly urgent?

Ninety-nine percent of the time, the task or household chore could be delayed.

It is very rare that I have zero clean clothes in my closet.

Most of the time, laundry can wait until the next day.

When deciding if something is truly urgent, I consider:

Will this impact my health or safety?
Is it time‑sensitive?
What are the consequences of delaying it?
What is driving this sense of urgency?

If it’s none of the above, then I will delay the activity.

An Invitation to Reclaim Your Time, Energy and Passions

If this resonates, my signature coaching journey,

Coming Home to the Body: Reclaiming Aliveness Beyond Productivity and Achievement

is an invitation to reconnect with yourself, and release the story of never ending list of things to do so you can connect with the passions or people that bring you joy.

If you’re curious, I invite you to join me for a discovery call, a space to learn more details about my offer and to explore what you’re longing for and whether this journey feels aligned to you.